As Katt Williams wisely stated, “You gotta be grateful. You need haters.” Word up, Katt. Everybody needs haters; and I can guarantee you, everybody has ’em. Whether you’re a first grade teacher or a plumber at a prison, you. have. haters. You know why? Because haters love to hate. It’s their job. They wake up in the morning looking for something to hate.
But there’s five things haters really can’t stand. Let’s count them down, shall we?
Number 5 — Haters can’t stand morning people.
They hate their energy, they hate their chipper-ness, and they really hate their ability to look good in the morning. To all you morning people out there: IGNORE THE HATERS. They’re just mad because their life relates to Honey Boo Boo’s. Get your shine on, sunshine.
Number 4 — Haters hate pretty people.
The mere sight of a pretty person makes them die a little on the inside, and they’ve perfected a go-to-hell look just for the pretty people. Guess what pretty people? They want to be you so bad, they can’t even see straight. So stay pretty, bitches.
Number 3 — Haters hate people with good jobs.
They can’t even have a LinkedIn for fear of seeing a friend’s new fancy job. They want to poke you AND your boss with scissors because they sit at a desk, all day, hating everything about life. So for the successfully employed: Rock that new work ensemble; and give the haters a little middle-finger salute as you prance by their cubicle. Later, hater!
Number 2 — Haters hate people who workout.
They don’t exercise, they don’t want to exercise, and they definitely don’t want to hear you talk about exercise. Hearing about your workout makes them crazy. They see a picture of your sweet new gym kicks on Instagram, and throw up in their mouth a little. They catch a glimpse of your sweaty post-gym selfie, and it sends them into a hater-tailspin. Which leads us to what haters hate the most…
Number 1 — Haters hate selfies.
They unfriend anyone who posts a selfie on Facebook (because we all know selfies are for Instagram). They see your selfie on Instagram, and quickly scroll down so they don’t have to see your face. Your self confidence makes them want to yak. But you know why they really hate selfies? Because they can’t take a good one; and the thought of looking at themselves makes their hate runneth over. So selfie on, selfie lovers. Post it with pride, and blow the haters a little selfie kiss. Xo
If there’s any haters in here right now that don’t have nobody to hate on, feel free to hate on me. Sit back there and say my hair ain’t luxurious when you know it is, bitch. – Katt Williams, 2007
I’d like to sincerely thank all of the bitter people out there; because without you haters, life wouldn’t be as fun. And to those of you with haters, keep givin’ them something to hate on! 😉